Learning Grief
by Tears.of.Lilith
Summary: As they travel towards home a stranger comes to Voyager, carrying a secret so powerful it could bring them closer together or tear them apart. I have really enjoyed writing this piece, and really appreciate R & R - I do return the favor. CHAPTER 8 DONE!
1. Chapter 1 Missing

**Disclaimer: I own nothing more than the inventive plot to pay homage to charcters not created by moi.**

Chapter One - Missing

"You idiot, where is that damn Pod?" Screeched a man in a grey jumpsuit, a red insignia with six thin strips of metal underneath, symbolizing his rank. He had been searching this rough part of the Querto Nebula for over six sleepless days, and his nerves were shot. If he did not successfully capture the person inside the pod his superiors would surely have his flesh sliced. The appearance of the man and the crew made them look human, save for his red eyes, albino like skin, and two small spike-like appendages underneath one eye.

"Sir, I have a ship on the sensors, about ten light years away, estimated time to intercept is approximately nineteen Rotations," stated a young male Nitheran.

The head of the vessel turned quickly, "Is it the pod?"

"No, sir," the man replied, "it's a much larger vessel. Roughly one-quarter of the size of our ship, it appears to have no cloaking technology, basic defense systems, my analysis; the ship poses no threat to our mission."

The older man smiled, "Activate rotating phase cloak anyways, I don't want them getting in my way."

"Consul Kiy'De, if I may," said the young officer, "perhaps we should make contact with the vessel, and they can help us with our search."

Kiy'De paused, and reflected for a moment, then without warning grabbed the young officer by the back of the neck, smashing his face into the console. All of the other crew members froze, the hair on their necks standing at end. The injured man made no cry of pain, though he knew his nose was broken and several teeth chipped, instead he sat upright and continued with a sensor sweep.

"Never speak to me as if we were equals. I should have your head for such insolence. But instead I am merciful."

The blood dripped from the man's face, and he trembled slightly.

His commanding officer put his lips to the young man's ear and shouted, "Am I not merciful?!"

Silent tears mixed with blood and Kiy'De tousled the young man's hair, laughing. "When that ship is range, cloak the vessel, but we will make contact, perhaps they can assist us in our search."

The crew on the bridge praised Kiy'De for his brilliant strategy.

She sipped gingerly at her black coffee, staring out her ready room window to see the stars streaking by. A mere two days ago she had rescued the doctor from Velos after he was stolen and sold by Gar. Her head ached slightly, and she gently massaged her temple. The door chimed.

"Come in," she called. The doors hissed open to reveal Chakotay, looking relaxed and carrying a PADD in his hand. "Yes Commander?"

"Long range sensors have detected a nebula which B'Elanna believes will be rich in hydrogen to be collected. She wants permission to come to a full-stop and use the Bussard Collectors."

"Permission granted."

"Alright Captain…"

Before exiting the room Chakotay paused.

"Anything else Commander?"

"Yes, Captain, I have some holodeck time booked and I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to join me for some sailing on Lake Tahoe?"

Kathryn suppressed a sigh, she was not in the mood for veiled emotions and pretending that he was not still - and she as well - deeply enamoured.

"I'll have to take a rain check on that offer, I'm going to turn in early."

"Alright, another time then."

The doors hissed when he left, and Kathryn turned her attention back to the day's security report.

She crouched in the corner, cowering as she heard heavy footsteps approaching. In her mind she told herself to have no fear, but she did all the same, she knew she wouldn't die at his hands. Everyday she prayed for a way to take her own life. As long as he had her she would never be able to fulfill her promise. A promise of revenge against the one person who had taken away the most important thing in the world. Someday she would take a blade and slice the throat of a merciless killer. Of all the people to hate she did not hate the man who kept her as a slave, the man who beat her and forced her to do many shameful things - no - her hatred lie deep within her soul, bleeding from a wound as old as she was.

The doors open, and Kiy'De entered his chambers. Silently and without prompt she poured him a glass of his favourite vintage, and helped him to his chair.

"Ah, you know just how to relax me," he said, admiring his prize. A gift from the Counsel, for bravery and loyalty. She stood a foot shorter than him, a wispy figure, delicate but well-toned, pale, long silken auburn hair, and blue eyes that were not soft, but hard as dilithium crystals. Scarlet silk cleverly woven created her attire, a strapless bodice around her breasts, sleeves that started just above her elbow and flared inches past her finger tips. About her hips was a flowing skirt to her ankles. In contrast to all this was two silver bands around her wrists, they bound her to him, and his whims.

"Whatever pleases you Counsel."

He motioned for her to kneel in front of him, "Who would have thought that when our scientists blasted the little green world with anti-protons such a gem would have been found? Listen to me well, you are a pearl in my hand. No man has a treasure like mine. But do not think I won't find something more valuable. If nobody wants you, you are worthless."

"But surely, sir," she whispered delicately, "if the Counsel tires of his pearl any man would be lucky if it were cast your way. Because you own me I am not worthless."

In a swift motion he slapped her right cheek, "And never forget it."

In the early days she would have cried out, fought back, but now she didn't even flinch. Her body was used to it. She poured another glass for Kiy'De, knowing how the routine would go, he'd become flushed, sloppy, and needing. They would go to his bed so she could satisfy his lusts, and after he finished he would lay his head on her chest and cry. Tears would flow, for his weaknesses and follies. Paranoia would follow, usually followed by a beating to ensure her silence.

"I grow weary of the drink, let's retire," he stood and ran his finger down the side of her face.

"Whatever pleases you Counsel."

In her head she could almost hear the replicator laughing at her, it knew what she wanted, but this morning she had made up her mind to order something different for a change. Tea? No, not strong enough.

Janeway sighed, "Coffee. Black."

The machine whirred to life and her drink materialized before her. She looked out her window to see the bright blue of the nebula. It was beautiful, and after several moments she released the breath she'd been holding.

"Bridge to the Captain," the intercom sounded with Chakotay's voice.

"Janeway here," she replied.

"A ship has de-cloaked itself off our starboard bow, they wish to speak with you."

"On my way."

Exiting her Ready Room and onto the bridge she saw a strong looking man with pale skin and red eyes on the viewscreen.

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager."

"Greetings Captain," the man replied, "I am Counsel Kiy'De of the Xian Order. You are trespassing on our territory."

Kathryn was not in the mood for a fight, "My apologies I was not aware. My crew and I just stopped to collect some supplies for our vessel."

The man looked down at his console, and little did Janeway know he was reading the weapons report on Voyager.

"All is well Captain, we are a friendly species, and I must admit I am curious to learn things about your culture. Perhaps as your crew completes it's task we could meet and exchange ideas? I am not familiar with your race and would like to know more."

Finally, in this cold and desolate quadrant, a friend, "Of course Counsel. Why not let us beam you aboard?"

"Give me time to prepare, I'll be in touch within the hour."

"Okay, Janeway out."

The viewscreen blackened an Janeway was quiet for a bit, it felt good not to come to phasers or retreat. She looked forward to a nice meeting and exchange of ideas, it was why the warp drive was invented, after all.

"Chakotay, opinions?"

He pondered for a second, "Kiy'De didn't seem threatening or menacing in anyway, but maybe he doesn't want conflict either. At least a meeting won't hurt, and he did volunteer to come here. He's been very likeable."

"Captain if I may?" Piped up Ensign Kim from Ops.

"Yes?"

"I have a bed feeling, he gives me the creeps."

"The creeps," spoke Tuvok, "that is hardly a reliable method of judging."

"If Kiy'De does nothing more than give Ensign Kim a bout of the creeps I say have Mr. Neelix prep the Briefing Room. Chakotay report to Transporter Room Two and greet our guests."

Kiy'De used every chance possible to flaunt his wealth and status, but that is not why he brought his slave with him to Voyager. He was interested to see what came of it, and hopefully use it as a means to gain leverage with the starship's Captain. When she materilised next to him Chakotay's eyes could not help but wonder over to her.. In her scarlet outfit she was stunning, and a vague sense of familiarity came to the back of his mind. She looked human, having no outward physical differences.

"Welcome Counsel," he greeted, as Kiy'De, his slave, and two others stepped from the platform.

Kiy'De smiled, "Thank-you. I look forward to meeting with your Captain."

They walked in near silence to the briefing room, and Chakotay occasionally let his eyes wonder over to her. Not out of lust, but he's sure he has seen her before. Janeway turned and smiled as the entourage entered the briefing room.

"Counsel, come in, sit," she motioned to the spot on her left, and she noticed the striking young woman kneeled beside Kiy'De. Something fluttered in Janeway's chest, and she sensed something about the young woman, and when she looked at the young woman her eyes were full of contempt.

"Allow me to introduce my collegues," Kiy'De said, motioning to the two men, "this one is Xit'Qa, my Vice-Counsel, and Ty'Lo, my communications officer."

"Pleasure to meet you both," Janeway replied, noticing he did not introduce the woman at his feet.

"This is Commander Chakotay, my First Officer, Lt. B'Elanna Torres, Cheif Engineer, and Lt. Tuvok, Head of Security."

"I hope you don't find this offensive Captain," Kiy'De began slowly, "I see that an officer in your standing appears to be without a Shade."

"Shade Counsel?"

He motioned to the girl and she stood, eyes on her toes. If Janeway had been listening to her thoughts she would have heard how Shade wanted nothing more than to break free of her cuffs and slit her throat, to have blood for blood.

"As a Counsel member I received this Shade as a gift, she is there for any and all of my needs. I give her life worth by owning her. Remarkable beauty isn't she? An unique, making her all the more valuable. I do not know her species."

'A slave,' Janeway thought, the idea revolting to her, 'he keeps her for his lust. Poor girl.'

She had to find a way to diplomatically navigate this mine, slavery was illegal and uttertly deplorable. This girl did not look broken though, she was a panther underneath her delicacy.

"I'm afraid the owning of human property was outlawed a long time ago for my people. As for her species, we've been travelling for a long while, and our Doctor is very knowledgeable, perhaps if he examined her together we could solve her mystery."

"I would be very grateful for any light you could shed. She is precious to me, and I only trust an equal - such as yourself - to handle her."

Janeway did not like the idea of owning a humanoid, if only temporarily, but Tuvok said they're weapons were superior and ship had cloaking technology.

"I would be honored, Counsel."

After a few hours of light conversation and trade negotiations Janeway felt at ease, and even found Kiy'De to be likeable. Shade was silent, pouring drinks and serving each person faithfully. There was one awkward moment, when B'Elanna had thanked Shade the servant paused for a moment, and sought cue from Kiy'De. He looked at her and Shade had quietly replied, "I am nothing more than a shadow, and require no thanks. I am worthless."

B'Elanna looked up at the girl and felt saddened. Surely the girl looked to be no older than eighteen. But like the others she could not help but feel she knew her. Little did anyone know, save for Kiy'De and Shade herself, they did know her. And soon, they'd find out.


	2. Chapter 2 The Truth

**Chapter Two- The Truth**

The Doctor looked up as the Captain entered Sickbay with a lovely young woman in tow.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," he greeted, putting down his amoebic research to assit.

"Hello Doctor," Janeway said, "this is our guest, Shade. She's..."

Janeway paused, and did not know how to place her tittle, besides the property of Kiy'De.

"Anyways," she continued, "we were wondering if she's of any known species. Our friends wish to know. Apparently they found her on a planet they were Terraforming."

The Doctor motioned for the young woman to lie on the bio-bed and proceeded to put up the scanning technology. His fingers flew over the controls like a pianist and he grimaced slightly.

"Well, mystery solved Captain," the Doctor announced, "though you could have made this more challenging."

Janeway asked, "Well?"

"She's human."

The Shade lowered her eyes as she sat up, and Janeway walked over to her. She put her hands on her hips, looking more than slightly perturbed.

"How is that possible? Earth is very far away," Janeway turned to Shade, "Can you explain yourself?"

Demure as always Shade did her best to calm her rage, but it came out anways.

"Captain, do you not know the face of your own daughter?"

The captain's eyes widened and a thousand thoughts started buzzing around her head. First and foremost, this woman could not be her daughter, that much perfectly clear.

"I can assure you, I have no children," Janeway replied.

"I know that to be a lie. You are my mother, unfortunately."

Taking a HypoSpray the Doctor approached Shade, "Well, there is one way to determine this. A simple paternity test run against your own DNA should reveal the truth."

"Agreed Doctor, do what you have to, in the mean time, we're going to have a chat Shade."

The Doctor took a blood sample and entered the information into the computer.

"How do you know I'm your mother?" Janeway asked.

"You communicated with me, told me about your home on Earth and your family," Shade explained, "I know my grandfather's name is Edward, his wife Gretchen, and Phoebe is my aunt. You told me about this ship and your ideals, no, you _showed_ me."

"I don't know what you and your Counsel are trying to do, but I don't know how you know this, maybe you breeched our ship's computers somehow."

"The Counsel is a sadist, and I owe him no loyalty," Shade spat, finally showing some emotion, "but at least he doesn't pretend to care about me. I guess I can't expect someone who abandons children to take any sort of responsibility."

"This is ludacris. I am not your mother, there's no possible-"

"Actually," the Doctor cut her off, "the paternity test was positive, apparently, you and Tom Paris produced this offspring. As well, her blood contains a point zero zero two phase variance, the result of exposure to high concentrations of anit-protons. The medical technology of this race you're meeting with must be very high."

"Doctor, is there anyway this could be faked," Janeway asked, rubbing her temple.

"I've considered that, and nothing is out of the realm of possibility, but as far as I can tell, she is your daughter."

Janeway tapped her combadge, "Janeway to Chakotay, Tuvok, and Paris, please report to my Ready Room."

As she sat she fiddled with the hem of her sleeves, the room was silent. Tom could not believe the young woman was of his own flesh. Mostly she looked like the Captain, and he let out a sigh.

"And the Doctor is sure?" He asked.

"Yes Tom," Janeway replied, "he's run every test possible."

"Then there's something you should know," Shade spoke up, "what is the policy for charging this crew with murder?"

"Murder," Chakotay said, as he stood by the Captain's desk, "those are tall charges."

With grace she stood and put her hands on her hips, "You may not remember but I do. I had a brother and a sister. One day, they came from the sky, and our bodies burned from the inside as if our blood was on fire. I was supposed to take care of her. We ran from Kiy'De's kind, and she fell, and got a small cut on her leg. I didn't know what to do, I was a child. The wound became diseased, she was so pale. So fragile. Then one night she held my hand, and then died. Had she had a doctor she would have lived, had she had a mother or father who didn't abandon her on an alien world she would have lived."

Silence permeated the room, and everyone except Tuvok and Shade bowed their head in shame.

"I'm deeply sorry for your loss," Janeway said, choosing her words delicately, "the Doctor said that exposing you to the level of anti-protons required to de-evolve you would have killed you, because your original DNA was not human."

"Wrong," Shade spat back, "you still had your original DNA, therefore so did your offspring. It seems to me you didn't even care to try."

The Captain stood and wrapped her arms around herself, "Everyone is dismissed."

"But Captain-" Tom interjected, but she cut him off.

"I said dismissed."

"Aye Captain."

One by one they left her Ready Room, except for Shade. She met her cornflower blues to Janeway's, and saw something there she did not expect. A tear rolled from Janeway's left eye and fell to her uniform. Shade was overcome with emotion, she thought Janeway would deny, delay, and ultimately betray. Shade did not anticipate her mother to cry. Janeway sat on the couch, and buried her face in her hands.

"You're absolutely right," Janeway said, a knot forming in her throat, "we should have tried harder, or even brought you aboard and put in some kind of habitat. I feel awful about what happened to your sister. My daughter. What about your brother?"

"He's a Shade, like me," she replied, "but belongs to someone else."

For the first time in many years Janeway felt very ashamed of herself. Somehow she knew in her heart this girl was being honest. After all, had she not stared into those same blue eyes in the mirror for nearly forty years? She felt guilt at the conclusion she had abandoned her children to be killed or become slaves. Nobody could possible know what it must have been like to live Shade's life, save for Shade herself. Janeway faced away from Shade and towards the windows, staring at the nebula, and feeling the knot growing in her throat. Her daughter was beautiful, and strong. As a mother she felt pride, but knew as she had no hand in her upbringing she had not right.

"I can never apologise for your loss so I won't try," Janeway said, her voice shaky, "and I can't in any way justify my actions. You should know how guilty I feel, Shade. I always imagined having a child, and you - most likely my only chance at motherhood - look how I failed you."

Kathryn turned to meet her daughter eye-to-eye, and her face broke composure. Twin tears streamed from eyes, and she moved her hand to cover her face. Shade took hold of Janeway's arm and looked into her crying face.

"Someone once told me to grieve," Shade whispered, "and I want you to do the same. Grieve for what we've lost. Grieve for your little lost ship, and your trusting crew. I have grieved for so many things, my sister, my brother, and my hate."

In her child's arms Kathryn rested her head on her shoulder, tears gushing silently, "I deserve to be hated."

"My sister held my hand as she died," Shade whispered, "and she told me to forgive you. She knew I'd find you, somehow, and the only thing on my mind would be the thought of killing you. Since Kiy'De found your ship I've thought of nothing else than taking your life. And part of me thought of even helping Kiy'De to complete the task. But then my sister dies for nothing if I don't listen to her message. You would have been proud of her."

"I… am… so…"

"Sh-sh. Grieve now."

"I'm not sure I know how to anymore."

His red eyes smiled as his sensors blinked, but the same time the reading showed up, it disappeared. He thought it may be a sensor echo, but his time at his post told him to be thorough. Even though his face was still tender the ship's medical staff had managed to fix his broken nose and bloodied face. Fingering his weapon at his hip he fantasized about the feeling of setting it kill and pointing it at Kay'De's trembling figure. Too many years of being abused by his overly sadistic ways. He also thought of his Shade, and how he would take her as a prize. She would know the touch of a real man, and an expert lover. Surely he could sway her, if given enough time.

"We have our entire lives," he whispered, deleting the sensor echo from the logs. He would not give Kiy'De a chance for more glory. No. He himself would apprehend the Pod, and turn Kiy'De over to the Counsel for breaking the sacred relationship of leader and subject. After the persons aboard the Pod were executed peace would come again to the sector, and a war decades long would cease. He would emerge as a leader. Perhaps he would take the mantle of Counsel for himself.

"Counsel Yir," he said barely above a breath, "I like the sounds of that."


	3. Chapter 3 Division

Chapter Three - Division

He lay on his bed in silence, mentally keeping track of the time. B'Elanna's duty shift was over and she would be making her way back to their quarters. Tom wanted to order a whiskey from the replicator - maybe two - and drink his pain away. The girl was his daughter, of his flesh, and he left her on some planet to fend for herself.

"One double whiskey," he ordered from the computer. Taking the glass he downed the liquor in one gulp and recycled the glass. From behind he heard the doors swish open, and though he was not facing her he knew B'Elanna's presence. Of course she knew about Shade, secrets were hard to keep on this ship.

"Tom," she whispered, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"How could you possibly want to be with me," he said voice clear, "look at what I've done. I don't deserve to be happy. Captain Janeway should've just left me to rot in that penal colony."

"You can't be serious."

Tom turned to face her, "I'm dead serious. My child is a slave. And not the labour kind, a sex slave. Technically she's only five years old. Jesus B'Elanna. What have I done?"

"I can't know what you're going through," she said, "but I'm here for you. For better or worse."

"B'Elanna," he cupped her face, "I love you."

Kathryn felt at ease, having let out her tears and fears. Shade had held her, soothed her, and put her back together. For the first time in a long time she understood peace.

"Kiy'De will be hailing soon," Shade announced.

"There's no way I'm letting him take you back," Janeway replied.

"In two ways you have no choice. First, he'll destroy your ship and kill your crew, and for me he'd do the same to his own ship. He's a merciless man. Second, I choose to go back."

"You choose to go back?"

"Yes, I do," Shade inhaled deeply, "but let me explain. A brief history of the Xian Order. Their species is Nitheran, and their home world is shared with another species, the Lunati. By some genetic quirk all Nitherans are male and all Lunati female. Now, if they co-existed peacefully this wouldn't be a problem, and for a long time it wasn't. They wanted as little contact as possible with one another so they only met for mating, The Lunati would then give birth to two children, one Nitheran and one Lunati. The Nitheran child she would give up to the father and take her child to be with her people. For thousands of years this system worked. Then the Lunati found a way to reproduce without the help of the Nitheran. The world fell into chaos. The Lunati population grew exponentially, and soon they outnumbered the Nitheran two to one. Cruel by nature the Nitheran declared war on the Lunati. Now every Lunati lives in slavery, like me. Except those few in hiding."

"I don't see what that has to do with you."

"Everything," Shade took her mother's hand in her own, "they freed me from Kiy'De. They took me to one of their underground cities. There I met their leader, Aless. She risked her life for me, and I owe her a great debt. But when Kiy'De came to find me she ran, stowing away in a Pod. Now her people are scattered and lost. Without her, the Nitherans will win this war."

"And you hope that by staying with Kiy'De you might be able to find her," Kathryn asked.

"I can't abandon her," Shade stated, "she would not give up looking for me. And as for Kiy'De, well, I'm used to his… ministrations."

"Maybe I could help you find her," Kathryn offered.

"If Kiy'De found out he'd destroy Voyager."

"No, he'd try to destroy Voyager. Besides, it's the least I can do for you, Shade."

"Then let's give it a go."

Pacing the bridge he looked at the view screen to the ship ahead. He figured Shade would have killed the Captain by now, or enlisted her help in finding Aless. Either way, it would work out to his advantage in the end. He was absolutely positive of two things; he must kill the Captain and capture Aless. Little did his Shade realize she was doing his bidding by taking either action. However, in order to maintain his status he could not call for help if things got rough in a fire fight with Voyager. He looked at the young man, Vir, at the helm, and a brutal smile formed on his lips. "Vir," he said, approaching the young man, "please report to my chambers after your shift."

"Yes Counsel," Vir replied, his skin crawling and hairs on the back of his neck standing on edge, "whatever pleases you."

Kiy'De sat back in his chair and surveyed his bridge. Captain Janeway ran her crew with compassion and morals, and for that her crew was weak. Fear and brutality were much better motivators. His crew listened to his orders without question, or stating their own opinions.

'Or they suffer the consequences,' Kiy'De thought.

He stood and made his way to his chambers. For a moment he missed Shade, because she would have poured a glass of drink for him, instead he did it himself. As he drained the glass he let his mind drift back to years gone by. He thought of the sound of his music on a night back on his home world, sitting in his villa under six moons. If he concentrated hard enough he could hear the sound of his son's footsteps on the patio, a Shade shadowing him. At the tender age of three his son had shown promise as a musician, just like his father. Then the Uprising occurred. As a Counsel he had been targeted for assassination, but the blow did not strike him. His precious son had been home when the explosion occurred, vaporizing every molecule in two square kilometres. The glass flew from his hand and smashed against the wall of his chambers. When he put up a memorial for his son he vowed to hunt down every last Lunati and make them suffer, his pain would be their pain. Kiy'De would have his revenge; blood for blood. The door chimed.

"Enter," he called.

Vir sauntered into the room, rigid and at full attention.

"Come, Vir," Kiy'De motioned for Vir to take the chair across from him. The Counsel reached into his uniform and pulled out a small vial of pink crystals.

"Sir," Vir whispered, "that's S'Her crystal. I thought it was banned."

"It is Vir," Kiy'De replied, "but as Counsel I am afforded certain favours. Favours I can share with those who please me. But I can't have someone going around and tarnishing my good name. Do you understand what I mean Vir?"

"Yes Counsel."

"And you would to anything to please your Counsel, wouldn't you Vir?"

"Yes Counsel."

Kiy'De's lips found that brutal smile again and he took three crystals out of the glass vial, and made a beckoning motion with his hand. Vir knew the cost of the Counsel's favour, but he could not easily say no to S'Her crystals. They induced euphoria, and while on it a body could feel no pain – which is exactly what Kiy'De wanted. The Counsel took a crystal and small blade and approached Vir. The young man stood perfectly still as Kiy'De made a cut on his forearm, and split the wound open. Vir did not make a sound, and Kiy'De placed the crystals into the wound. The effect was almost instantaneous. He felt his body go numb and his mind start on fire. Barely functioning he let Kiy'De lead him to his private quarters, for the next few hours the crew would occasionally hear a scream from Kiy'De's chambers, but nobody said anything aloud. After all, Vir was favoured.

Behind her the doors opened, and two pairs of feet approached her. She turned to face them, and cocked an eyebrow in greeting. It gave her an eerie feeling to see Janeway and her daughter standing together, they looked very similar, except that Shade had much longer hair.

"Captain," Seven greeted.

"Hello Seven," Janeway turned to Shade, "I'd like you to meet Shade."

Shade walked up to Seven and looked at her intently. Her gaze made Seven feel a bit uncomfortable.

"If you are curious about my implants, they are Borg," Seven said, assuming this was why Shade stared.

"That's nice," replied Shade, "You are very beautiful."

"Beauty is irrelevant."

"Absolutely not," Shade argued, "beauty inspires creativity. And with that technology is conceived."

"The Borg is a highly advanced species, and has sought no inspiration from beauty."

Shade put her hands on her hips, "According to the laws of aesthetics perfection is perceived as beauty, and as I recall the Borg are bent on perfection."

Seven turned to the Captain, "No doubt. She is your child."

Janeway allowed herself a chuckle, "We actually need your help Seven. Shade is trying to locate an escape pod in this nebula. Long range sensors are having difficulty scanning the area due to interference, is there anyway you can use the astrometrics sensors to penetrate the interference?"

"I believe I can," Seven stated, turning to the console. On the large viewscreen an image of the nebula pulled up, along with two symbols to represent Voyager and Kiy'De's ship. The former drone narrowed her eyes in concentration, hands flying over the panel.

"Look for a space emitting a scattering field," Shade told Seven.

A small dot populated on the map of the nebula.

"I have located a small vessel using a scattering field approximately two light years away."

"Transfer the co-ordinates to the bridge," Janeway ordered.


	4. Chapter 4 Faith and Desire

**Chapter Four – Faith and Desire**

In the turbolift on their way back to the Bridge Janeway watched as Shade swayed slightly and had to lean against the wall.

"Are you okay," Janeway asked, concerned.

"I'm fine."

"We could go to Sickbay," she watched as Shade struggled to regain her composure. Shade made no reply and instead fiddled with the hem of her sleeves, as she did when she was nervous. Kathryn made no further comment about Sickbay and exited on to the Bridge.

"All senior staff, please report to the Briefing Room for an emergency meeting."

Tuvok, Harry, and Tom left their posts and other crew took their places.

"Captain," Tuvok spoke up, "this is not a conflict that Voyager has any part in.

By getting involved you'd be in violation of the Prime Directive."

"Which is why Voyager will not be involved. I plan on taking the Delta Flyer and going after this Aless by myself. I won't put this ship in harm's way," Janeway explained.

"I'm going with you," Shade said.

Tom added, "And I will pilot the Flyer."

"No Tom," Kathryn responded, "If Kiy'De attacks we'll need our best at the conn."

"With all due respect Captain, she's just as much my daughter as she is yours. The debt is ours to carry."

"The debt belongs to all of us," Chakotay looked thoughtful, "when Seska manipulated me into believing her child was mine Voyager stood behind me to rescue him. The situation is no different. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that we're behind you Captain."

"They care for you," Shade whispered, "you are truly a family. When Aless brought me to her underground city she made me feel like I finally had a place to belong, instead of being passed around by the Nitherans. I ask for your help, but not at the cost of your lives. Once Aless is rescued the Lunati will rally behind her, and then they can take over the battle. Voyager can continue on it's way at that point."

"You know the men and women under you," Janeway stood she spoke, "I won't risk them if they're not willing."

Harry was the first to reply, "Shade was right, this ship is a family, and what kind of family would we be if we left one member to risk her life. I'm with you Captain."

"It is logical assume that eventually Kiy'De will attack Voyager, and tactically an ally would make sense. I therefore believe to rescue Aless is the most logical course of action," Tuvok said in his monotone way.

"She's my daughter, of course I'd do anything," this from Tom.

"And Tom's my husband," B'Elanna replied, "I got your back Captain."

"Same here," Neelix said.

"I'll be in Sickbay, ready," the Doctor nodded.

Seven cocked one eyebrow, "She is your daughter."

"And I'll be by your side, as always," with that everyone would back Kathryn, and she was flooded with a sense of pride.

"Kiy'De will expect this," Shade moved from her spot against the wall and stood next to her mother at the head of the table, "he's most likely got sensors locked on Voyager. When it comes to battle he is highly decorated as a strategist."

"That does take away any element of surprise," Tuvok looked thoughtful for a moment, "however, if we seemingly do exactly what he expects of us, while having a secondary plan devised, we may be successful."

"Plan B," Chakotay said, "what about Plan A?"

"What about the Delta Flyer, we could reconfigure the shields and make it seem like nothing more than a dust cloud on their sensors," Tom suggested.

"The Nitherans have superior technology to Voyager," Shade discounted, "but there's a few things you should know. Kiy'De will not call for reinforcements, this is his mission, and I also have a … acquaintance on board, he can be used to our advantage."

"Who is this friend of yours," Kathryn asked.

"Vir, their pilot."

Kathryn turned to face Shade, "And how do you know he can be trusted?"

"He can't be," Sahde explained, "he thinks only of himself and the dismantling of Kiy'De. So long as he believes this will be detrimental to Kiy'De he will assist us. Besides, he thinks by besting Kiy'De it will make him more important to me."

"Is he in love with you," B"Elanna asked.

"Unlikely," Shade replied, and looked down, "having a unique Shade is a status symbol. I am no more loved than a ruby or pearl."

A silence overtook the room, and everyone reflected for a moment, finally it was Neelix who broke the silence.

"Well Voyager is your family now, and we'll protect you."

Shade did not smile or frown, instead she had the appearance of a lost child, tossed about by a storm, just trying to get home. Kathryn gently took Shade's hand in her own, and gripped it. There was so much they had yet to share, and Shade could not help but wonder if they someday would.

"So, what's plan A?"

"We do exactly what Kiy'De wants us to, but we have to have a way to disable their ship if it comes to that," Chakotay theorized.

"His systems are based on a series pathway, interrupt one system and others follow, but it's not easy," explained Shade.

"I have an idea," B'Elanna stood and tapped on the display screen, "if we modify a Class Two Probe to emit a concentrated polarized pulse it should disrupt their systems, at least for a few minutes. It's a long shot, but it's the only thing I can think of."

"Make it top priority," Janeway ordered, "use what ever personnel and equipment necessary. Also, Tuvok, make sure our weapons and shields are in top form. Chakotay, have all crew ready for combat within the hour."

"Aye Captain."

"I know you don't know me very well," Shade said to the room, "but I am very grateful for what you're doing."

"We're all in this together," Tom stood and placed a nervous hand on his daughter's shoulder. He looked into her eyes and tried to fill his gaze with warmth.

"Stations everyone," Kathryn watched as her loyal senior staff exited the Briefing Room. A sense of pride filled her. They stood by her side, through everything. Deep blue eyes welled with tears but she blinked them away.

Kiy'De was tired of waiting, he itched for action. He looked about the Bridge satisfied when none met his gaze, except a side glance from Vir. He sat for a few moments and decided that after Shade had been on Voyager for more than eleven hours it was time to claim her. Janeway most likely would not give her up without a fight, and Kiy'De was at the ready if it came to that.

"Vir, hail the Voyager," Kiy'De ordered.

On a Bridge opposite to his own Janeway apprehensively paced in front of her chair. Shade stood to the right of the Captain's chair.

"You must answer his hail," Shade said.

"B'Elanna isn't ready with the probe yet," Kathryn rebuttled, taking her seat, "but maybe I could buy her some time. Ensign, on screen."

At her command Janeway noticed Shade took position on her knees next to her.

"Ah, Captain Janeway," Kiy'De greeted, "I trust you've had a good day?"

Janeway was quick in her response, "Yes. I have."

"And what, have you discovered?"

"You know exactly what I've found out. Shade does not belong to you."

The malicious man broke into a grin, "She may be your daughter, but she is my property. Besides, if she doesn't come back, you may as well shoot her now. She's as good as dead."

"Not to me," Janeway stood and placed her hands on her hips, "I failed her in the past, and I won't make the same mistake twice."

"Are you so blind," Kiy'De replied, "she's using you. As she used me. She prayed on my good intentions, and seduced me, Captain. I warn you, she's done the same to you."

"If you think for one second I'm going to believe she seduced-"

"-I don't really care if you believe me, I just thought I'd warn you. Has she not told you about the jewels I've bought for her? How exquisite the cloth on her body? No. I thought not. At my side Captain, she is more valuable to me than any of my men."

Janeway turned to Harry and motioned for him to terminate the communication, and breathed a sigh of relief when Kiy'De's image vanished from the view screen.

She tapped her combadge, "Bridge to B'Elanna, status?"

"Almost ready Captain, another two minutes."

"Tom," Kathryn approached her helmsman, "how long at maximum warp to reach the Pod?"

"Twenty-Eight minutes," Paris prepared to lay in a course.

"Alright, this will have to be done with precision. On my mark B'Elanna will launch the probe, detonate, Tuvok will use phasers to knock out their engines, and, finally Tom will jump to maximum warp. Understood?"

A round of "Aye, Captain" went around the Bridge and a mental clock started to tick in her head.

"Mark."

_One. _The probe launched into space. _Two_. A bright flash in space. _Three_. Phaser fire across Kiy'De's bow. _Four_. The warp nacelles revved. _Five_. They were off.

"Good work everyone."


	5. Chapter 5 Awakening

**Chapter Five – Awakening**

Her limbs felt heavy, as if made of some sort of alloy. Memories started to float to the surface of her final moments. She thought she was dead, and making her journey to Dalsad to be with Divine Mother.

"She's waking up," she heard someone say, "vital signs are stable."

'Waking up,' she thought, 'was I asleep? No, I was at the palace, there were explosions, we're under attack!'

Trying to sit up she felt her head spin and the room was very strange. Above her stood a man, with no hair on his head. She panicked and tried to stand.

"Please remain calm," he said gentlty, "you're aboard a starship, we rescued you from your stasis pod."

"Pod," she whispered. Memories started coming back to her.

Captain Janeway approached the biobed and looked down at Aless. She was dressed similiarily to Shade, but her outfit was a deep blue, and knotted silk lengths at the base of her spine created a flowing look when she walked.

"You were adrift in space," Kathryn explained, "we were lead to you."

"By whom?"

"Me, Aless," said Shade and she approached the surgical bay.

"_You_," Aless spat, "_I trusted you. And you betrayed me_."

Shade bowed her head and kneeled before the biobed.

"You're right, I did betray you, Aless," Shade looked deeply into the fiery amber eyes staring her down, "I would not watch you die or become a Shade. That is my crime. I put you in that Pod because I thought it was best. As High Mother you are well within your rights to execute me, and I pray you are merciful and do so."

"Absolutely not," Janeway interjected, "there will be no death on this ship."

"After everything, you ask me to kill you," Aless stood and looked down at Shade, "you stood by and fought for my people. By protecting me I am sure the Counsel punished you severly. I can no sooner kill you then kill my own heart."

"You must," Shade choked out, as sobs racked her body, "please. Better by your hand then my own."

Many thoughts ran through Kathryn's head, but she knelt down next to Shade and put her arms about her daughter. Shade just sobbed harder, and put her forehead to the floor.

"Please, I'm begging you Aless."

Kathryn looked up at Aless, "What the hell is all this about?"

For a moment Aless paused, and lifted Shade to stand. Like fire and ice they contrasted, but Shade avoided Aless's gaze. Finally Aless grabbed Shade's chin and forced her to look ay her. In Shade's eyes Aless found shame, pain, and no hope for life.

"Did he ..." Aless whispered, a realization dawning on her.

Shade's sobs intensified as she nodded. Aless ran her forefinger down Shade's silk sleeve and touched the hem, and the slave made weak attempts to push her hand away. Kathryn followed Aless's gaze to Shade's arms, and was horrified when Aless pulled up the sleeve to reveal a complicated network of scars.

"He forced S'Her on you, didn't he?"

As Shade nodded the Captain asked, "What's S'Her?"

A sigh escaped Aless's lips, "It's a very powerful and dangerous drug - also very illegal. S'Her crystals dramatically alter the natural body chemistry, creating a severe dependancy. Trying to come off of S'Her is a long and painful process."

"Oh no," Kathryn put a hand on Shade's shoulder, "what we need to do?"

Both Shade and Aless bowed their heads, "There's a problem, nobody has ever done it. In all known cases trying to quit using S'Her has resulted in fatalities. That's part of the reason it's very illegal on my world."

"Our Doctor is a very gifted physician, he can solve this," Janeway said, determined.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Captain," the Doctor said, "Shade, you'll need to be examined right away. How much time do we have before Shade . . ."

"It's been a day since my last dose," Shade spoke up, "and I haven't entered the Boiling Blood phase. Once I hit that stage I might have three days."

"Why didn't you tell me," Janeway asked Shade, "why wait until now?"

Aless answered, "You were not apart of her life, and you no right over her death. This is your fault anyways."

"This is a complicated situation," Janeway replied, "and we can assign blame later. Right now I want to do everything to save Shade."

"Shade," Aless scoffed, "you address her as the man who claims mastery over her does. Have you no respect?"

Reaching out a hand Shade touched Aless's forearm, "I don't have a human name, Aless. I never received one. Shade is what I am used to. The past is the past, let's leave it there for now."

"You deserve better," Aless's voice carried a note of tenderness, but she quickly turned formal, "if you return me to my people I will compensate you fully for your efforts."

"You might be surprised to know compensation was not my goal," Kathryn said, placing her hands on her hips, "I risked my ship not for dilithium or starship components, but because Shade asked me for help, and I was happy to give it."

"And one act of kindness and she's supposed to forgive you for all the pain," Aless asked, "you have no idea what sort of things Kiy'De did to her, because you abandoned her."

Tears welled up in Kathryn's eyes and a tight knot formed in her throat, "I am aware of what I have done."

"Then if you find a Red Dwarf star about eleven light years from here on your sensors please set a course. On the third moon of the fifth planet is a military installation, the entire planet is shielded, when we make our approach send out four nadion pulses, it's a signal to alert my people to my presence aboard this vessel. Expect a ship to come immediately, and I'll return."

"Alright," Janeway replied, not liking Aless's commanding tone, "Doctor, do what ever it takes to help Shade."

The stars continued to streak by, and Kathryn lost herself in her thoughts. She felt as she did when Voyager was in the starless expanse, alone and with only her guilt. A large part of her felt she had no place being Captain of her crew, because she had not been doing a very good job. Many fine officers had died, she destroyed the Array and stranded them in the Delta Quadrant, and routinely put the Prime Directive over getting them home. Then there was the knowledge of what she had done to her own daughter. Her thoughts turned dark, and she mused for several moments. If the Doctor found no way to help Shade she would have to, by any means necessary. In her heart of hearts she felt the tick of time, and knew she may never truly be a mother, it was not in the cards for her. Besides, she did have three children, the universe had given her a chance, and she messed up, again.

The door to her quarters chimed.

"Who is it," she called.

"It's Chakotay," came a voice from the other side of the bulkheads.

Kathryn sighed, "Come in."

Her First Officer came into the room, looking sombre.

"Yes Commander?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay," he said.

"Okay," Kathryn turned the word over in her mouth and turned away from him, "she's going to die Chakotay. It's my fault. We're stranded in the Delta Quadrant, that's my fault too. I've failed not only every man and woman on this ship but my own."

"We've been here before Kathryn, you're not to blame."

"Why didn't we take them along?"

Chakotay bowed his head, "I'm not sure I have an answer."

"Me neither. I will never hold a baby of my own in my arms. My biological clock is ticking. We're thousands of light years away from Earth. Sometimes, I feel so alone," she sauntered over to her couch and sat. Chakotay took a step closer to her.

"But you're not alone," he whispered.

"Protocol clearly defines my relationship with everyone aboard this vessel," Kathryn rubbed her neck, "and the one relationship protocol has no control over, motherhood, will yet again elude me. I guess I deserve to watch her die, after all, it might as well have been my hand with the knife. Right? But then, I'm more of a monster than Kiy'De is. At least he gave her food, shelter, clothing. I left her on some world in the Delta Quadrant. I have to make things right."

"Kathryn …"

Janeway's head snapped up, "I'm not really in the mood for company. If there's no emergency I'll be remaining in my quarters for a few days. Captain's prerogative."

"Yes Captain," he said, turning to leave, "if you need anything, let me know."

But she did not reply, instead Kathryn returned her attention to the window and the turmoil within.

The Doctor poured over his results from the tests he had done on Shade, and he glanced up to notice an exchange between Shade and Aless.

"She's not a bad person," Shade said to Aless, as Aless paced in front of the Surgical Bay .

"Not a bad person," Aless thrust out her arms, "look around you. This is not a junk starship, and it does have fifteen decks. Surely they could've found space for you and your siblings."

"I know. Don't you think that I – of all people – know what could have been done differently. Is it so hard to believe that maybe someone makes a mistake, and forgiveness is not the worst result?"

"She deserves to die," Aless shuddered with rage, and Shade slipped off the bed and wrapped her arms around Aless's back from behind.

"You're starting to sound like me," Shade whispered, nestling her head into Aless's long black hair, "and you've been a very positive influence on me. I'm going to miss you."

"You're not going to die," Aless said, turning to face Shade but still in her embrace, "I won't allow it."

Shade chuckled, "You're the leader of millions of people, the direct descendant of the First. But even you cannot stop my death, neither can my mother. I want you to promise me something, Aless."

"Anything."

"My brother is just as much prisioner as I am. If it's possible to find him I pray that you do so."

"For you anything," Aless gently put her hands on either side of Shade's neck, "but you must do something for me. You know what I ask. It's the only thing I've ever asked of you."

The Doctor knew he should not be eavesdropping, but he had been programmed with excellent hearing, and he noted several strange things. First, Shade's pupils had dilated, respiration had increased, and the long line of nubs along Aless's spine had swollen.

"Anything but that," Shade replied, "he's ruined me, you know that."

"The Nitherans have taken hundreds of thousands of our women," Aless slowly moved her hands down to Shade's hips, "I want those women to know they are no less important to me then the others. Besides, you know I can have no other."

"It's against the law," Shade said with an air of merriment, "one hundred women for the Most High. The first to bear a child is named High Consort. One among one hundred of the most beautiful."

"No," Aless wrapped her arms tighter around Shade, their bodies pressed together, lips less than an inch apart, "only one."

"I'm not worthy, I'm tarnished."

Fresh tears rolled down Shade's cheeks, and Aless pressed her forehead to Shade's. A part of Shade wanted nothing more than to scream yes, but she held back.

"You are the light to guide me. You're strength is nothing compared to mine."

With utmost gentleness Aless closed the gap and let her lips find hold on Shade's, she did not pull away, only stay there for a long moment, savouring the love she had been denied. In Aless's arms she found the kindness she had found no where else. For a moment, Shade felt she had something to live for.

**[ If you are reading this you have just finished Chapter Five. I'm not done, but I'd really like to know what you're thinking of things so far. Please leave feedback, I do read and listen. And, as Captain Nora requested, I will continue.]**


	6. Chapter 6 Penance

**Chapter Six Penance**

The corridors of Voyager were unfamiliar, and dim as it was night. Shade and Aless made their way to the Mess Hall, to meet with Janeway. Aless felt nothing but contempt, but Shade could not help but want to know more about her mother. These two women walking hip to hip seemed more like two young friends heading out for a night on the Holodeck than lovers.

"What does she want with us," Aless whispered to Shade as they walked.

Shade paused, "I don't know. But no more secrets, okay?"

Aless did not respond, instead she tensed up.

"She'll understand about this."

The older woman scoffed, "How could she possibly understand?"

"I'm sure even she has loved before."

Again Aless elected for silence, and stayed that way until they entered the Mess Hall. They found Kathryn sitting in the lounge area, jacket removed, a pile of PADDs on the table, and of course a cup of coffee.

"Ladies," she greeted, motioning for them to join her.

Shade and Aless sat together on the couch opposite her mother. There was an awkward silence and Kathryn finally spoke.

"Coffee?"

"What is it," Shade asked, as Kathryn poured her a glass.

"It's my favourite beverage," Kathryn explained, and handed the cup to Shade, "you might like it."

Taking a sip Shade made a face, "It's awful."

Kathryn smiled and Shade began to laugh, it was infectious. Kathryn and Shade laughed until their sides hurt, and Aless sat, confused.

"It takes some getting used to," Kathryn replied.

Shade felt at ease, and relaxed slightly.

"So I spoke with the Doctor," Kathryn said, and Shade's mouth went dry.

"I can explain, Captain," Shade said, "I didn't know how to tell you. Everything was happening so fast, and there just didn't seem to be an appropriate time."

Kathryn looked confused, "The Doctor and I spoke about your condition, what are you talking about?""He didn't tell you…"

"Tell me what," Kathryn looked from Aless to Shade and back, "what are you not telling me?"

"It's none of her business," Aless said, and stood to leave, "let's go."

"No, Aless," Shade spoke, "she should know."

"Know what," Kathryn asked, and Aless folded her arms, looking away.

"It's like this," Shade began, but Aless cut her off.

"I don't think we have to explain ourselves, least of all to _her_. I want to leave."

"There's the door," Kathryn replied, a bite in her voice.

"How dare you speak to me this way," Aless stepped closer Janeway, "you have no idea who you're speaking to."

"Stop," Shade whispered, but they did not hear her.

"Neither do you. This is my ship, I can put you back in your Pod if you want."

"You wouldn't dare," Aless spat, and Janeway stood, inches from Aless's face.

"Try me."

Shade stood suddenly and put her left hand on Aless's arm, the other on Kathryn's.

"Stop this," Shade looked from Aless to her mother, "both of you. I don't need this right now. Please. I don't want my final moments to be the two of you at each other's throats. In you're own ways you're both important to me."

Janeway softened and bowed her head, "She's right. I openly acknowledge my past mistakes, and I will make things right somehow. Aless, I'm sorry for lashing out at you. This is a very trying time for the both of us, can we not make peace?"

Aless smirked and turned to Shade, "Well, she's not completely hopeless. And I apologise as well Captain. I am a young ruler and sometimes my temper gets the best of me."

"Was that so hard," Shade asked, as everyone sat back down.

"Aless was right about one thing though," Kathryn said, "I can't keep calling you Shade. But I don't have the right to choose your name, is there something else I can call you?"

"What about Rena," Aless offered, "it was my mother's name. She was a strong woman."

"It's lovely," Kathryn complimented.

"But according to tradition the Consort takes the name of the previous ruler," Shade said, not meeting Kathryn's questioning gaze.

"I know," Aless stated.

Like a console overloading Kathryn finally caught on. She stumbled with her question.

"Are the two of you ... engaged?"

"Only if you're stubborn daughter would say yes," Aless replied, blunt and to the point.

"So," Kathryn licked her lips nervously, "you two are an item?"

"We thought that's what the Doctor told you," Shade reached out and touched Kathryn's folded hands, "I didn't know how to tell you."

"I don't blame you," Kathryn stood and kneeled in front of the young couple. She took one of Shade's hands in her's and Aless's in the other. When her eyes found Shade's she saw a longing for love and acceptance, a love worth fighting for. A love Kathryn would do her best to protect.

"I'm very happy for the both of you."

Shade threw her arms around Kathryn, and hugged her tightly. Her lips found the words her heart had always wanted to speak.

"Thank you, mother."

Kathryn's eyes let loose the flood of tears she had been holding back, and as she held her daughter it was like the final piece of the puzzle fitting into place.

As Kathryn went to pour herself another cup of coffee it took her a moment to realize the pot was empty. She looked around the Mess Hall, a few crewmen from the Beta shift were having a meal in the corner.

"He dressed me down in front of six admirals," Kathryn continued, "and I was so sure they were going to take away my commission, instead they posted Tuvok on my vessel."

"I have a similar story," Aless piped up, "when I ascended to the throne I was thirteen years old, even though technically I became ruler at six when my mother died. I thought to improve our standing in the war we'd build a new ship I designed myself. The design was perfect in everyway, except for a fatal flaw in the propulsion matrix. During the first unmanned test flight it blew up over our capitol city. It made for quiet the demonstration. Two years of work, gone."

Shade sat back, listening them talk about the burdens of leadership, and Shade found it odd that there were several strong parallels between her lover and her mother. But it was nice to be having a pleasant chat and not a confrontation.

"Is it true," Kathryn asked Shade, who had not been paying attention.

"I'm sorry, is what true?"

"Aless was telling me you have quite the gift for languages," Kathryn explained.

"Only spoken," Shade replied, "just a few phrases and I can piece together the rest, but Aless is just being nice."

"Not true," Aless rebuttled, "don't let her modesty fool you. Once we went on an excursion to a small planetoid to get some dilithium from the Flaghtarians, who – it just so happens – speak in a series of tongue clicks and hand movements. I was so confused, and our mighty technology could not make heads or tails of their speech. So as the merchant is ready to through us out Shade here started speaking to them in their language, and they were so impressed they practically gave away their dilithium."

"Sounds like you're very talented," Janeway complimented, and yawned slightly, "computer, what time is it?"

"Oh four hundred hours," the female voice responded.

"Sounds like it's morning," Kathryn said with a sigh, "you girls must be tired."

Aless smiled, "My species doesn't require a lot rest, maybe two hours a night."

"What about you?"

"I'm fine," Shade replied, "but I would maybe like to do something."

"What did you have in mind," Kathryn asked.

Shade looked around, "There's so much I don't know, about you, humans, and… Earth."

A chill went down Aless's spine, and her hands shook. Her secret fear was that Shade would go when Voyager left. Surely she would want to be with her people, and her family. In her heart she felt she would never love anyone quite as much, and certainly would never be replaced. She watched Kathryn and Shade, so alike yet so different, and could see their connection growing. As much as Aless loved Shade the love of a mother is irreplaceable.

"I'd like that very much," Shade said excitedly, "Aless will you join us?"

She looked into Shade's eyes, clear blue and kind, "No, thanks. Your Ambassador Neelix has prepared quarters for me, I believe I will retire."

Aless stood, and paused for a moment, "Captain, Shade."

She nodded in acknowledgement and sauntered out of the Mess Hall. Shade looked after her, an expression of bemusement on her face.

"She's jealous," Shade said to Kathryn.

"Jealous?"

"Yes," Shade answered, "when I first met her she threw out her advisor for flirting with me. Physically threw them out. It was quite the scene, Aless in full royal regalia dragging this poor woman to the doors of the Counsel Chambers and chucking her down fifteen stairs."

Kathryn moved so she sat next to Shade, "How did you and Aless come to be together?"

"It's an interesting story," Shade began, "you see, there's very clear laws on the treatment of messengers, and as Kiy'De's I was his. The Nitherans came up with surrender terms and I had the privilege of delivering them. It was a long audience, and very late by the time I presented the terms for unconditional surrender. I stayed the night, and when walking about city at night I ran into Aless. She told me I didn't have to go back, that she would protect me. So I stayed another night. After only four days Kiy'De attacked the city, and rather see it in ruins and so many women enslaved I put Aless in the Pod and surrendered myself."

"That was a very selfless thing to do," Kathryn complimented, resting her hand on Shade's shoulder.

"My entire life I've never done anything selfish, it's always been about servitude."

"Someday I'll find a way to right the wrongs I've committed against you," Kathryn whispered.

"You can't change the past," Shade replied, but she put her hand on Kathryn's, "but we can enjoy the present, for as long as possible."

"Of course."

"I wish to experience being human," Shade exclaimed, "I want to know everything. Like where do humans come from? Are you a military culture or a society of artisans? What are some of our people's accomplishments?"

"It sounds like you have a lot of questions," Kathryn thought for a moment, "let's go to the Holodeck, I think I could show you rather than tell you."

He stumbled back to his quarters, mind ablaze and body numb. Feeling nothing he did not notice when he hit his head on the bulkhead to his rooms, but he did feel disorientated. Again Kiy'De had called him to his chambers, and again offered S'Her, and again he was weak and took it. Kiy'De was celebrating his victory - a little prematurely - because if everything goes according to his design Voyager would be captured, Aless executed, and Shade returned to her master. He felt his gullet rise at the thought of Kiy'De pawing at Shade, his clumsy hands on her body. Vir was sure he could turn her body into the ultimate tool for pleasure, though in the end mostly his. After so long he'd earned a Shade, yet still was denied. Vir would have preferred someone fresh but something about Shade stirred his longings. These dalliances with Kiy'De were the ultimate humiliation, and if he continued to be weak he would give up control completely. When Kiy'De was closer to his body than his own soul his mind was not on his shame, but on her face. High cheekbones, crystal blue eyes, and long soft hair. Her scent was also fragrant, and reminded him of flowered meadows. Again, he would bide his time, and not strike before the kill blow was revealed.

"I will fight back," he said to himself, "I will be fierce."

Vir clenched his fists and pressed them against his temples, which were beginning to feel the first bits of pain.

"Soon."

Tom saw them from across the room, and could not help but be jealous. Kathryn and Shade at a table, eating breakfast. He mustered up what courage he had and walked over to their table.

"Good Morning," he greeted, "Captain, Shade."

Shade looked up at him and smiled, "Thank-you. Will you join us?"

"Yeah," he said in a soft voice, taking a seat. They sat in silence for a moment, until finally Shade spoke.

"So what do you do on Voyager?"

"I'm the pilot and medic," Tom explained.

Kathryn smiled, "The best pilot to ever sit at Voyager's helm."

Tom beamed, but before he could reply Voyager shook violently.

Janeway tapped her combadge, "Janeway to the Bridge, report."

"Kiy'De's ship has caught up with us and has opened fire," Chakotay replied.

"Return fire, I'm on my way."

On the Bridge the red alert alarm was sounding, and Voyager shook again as Kathryn, Shade, and Tom exited the turbolift.

"Report," Kathryn ordered.

"Shields are down to forty percent, aft phasers are offline, warp drive is offline, and we've got hull breeches on Decks Three and Four," Kim reported from Ops, hands dancing across his station.

"What about his ship," Janeway asked.

Tuvok shook his head, "His shields are highly resilient, and thus far his ship has taken only minor damage."

"What about another probe?"

"B'Elanna would need time," Chakotay responded.

"Captain," Harry called, "I'm picking up another ship out there."

"Reinforcements?"

"No," came a voice from behind them, they turned to see Aless, "it's my people."

"They are hailing."

"On screen ensign."

The viewscreen revealed a bridge which was mostly white in color, with strange crystaline structures Kathryn assumed were technology of some kind, as one woman was spinning it.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager," Kathryn greeted the young woman on the screen. She could not help but notice the woman wore a similar outfit to Shade and Aless, though hers was a lovely hue of indigo.

"I am Fyah of the Protectorate," Fyah greeted, and let her eyes wonder over Voyager's bridge, "according to my sensors one of my people is aboard your vessel."

"It's me Fyah," Aless greeted, stepping next to Kathryn.

"Majesty," Fyah exclaimed, and proceeded to prostrate herself, as everyone on the bridge did as well, "you must let us transport you over to our vessel. Their ship will not win this battle."

"Agreed," Aless replied, "but we must do what we can to help."

Turning towards Kathryn she said, "This ship and mine cannot win, but I will rally my defensive forces to help Voyager. In the mean time, there's a gas giant you may be able to hide in."

"You'll come back for us," Janeway said in a low voice, a hint of suspicion in her voice.

"She will," Shade responded, "I'm staying on Voyager."

"Absolutely not," Kathryn replied, "it's not safe here."

Shade decided to speak candidly, "Kiy'De will destroy Voyager without a second thought if there's nothing he wants on it. And I won't abandon you."

"I don't want to leave you here," Aless said, pulling Shade into her embrace.

"I'll be okay."

Kathryn said to Aless, "I'm going to protect her no matter what happens, you have my word."

Aless nodded, and Fyah said over the com, "Captain, I will draw fire from the vessel, you'll need to lower your shields for me transport."

"Of course."

Shade took her hand and placed it on the back of Aless's neck, and drew her in for a kiss. When Shade opened her eyes Aless had vanished, and Voyager was in chaos. Though Aless's vessel had drawn some fire Kiy'De had still managed to do some damage, and impulse engines were down. Voyager was running out of options.

"Shields are down to eight percent," Tuvok reported, "one more direct hit and they'll be down."

"Arm photon torpedoes, full spread. Tom, set a course for that gas giant. His bulky ship will have difficulties with that atmospheric turbulence," Kathryn ordered, sitting in her chair.

"Captain," Kim called, "that atmosphere has some pretty intense eddies, with our shields weakened it could be a problem."

"Noted Mr. Kim," Kathryn replied, "set a course Tom."

"They're retreating to the gas giant, sir," Vir reported from his station.

Kiy'De almost laughed aloud, all was going according to plan.

"Is Aless aboard the other vessel," he asked, as the Lunati ship made its escape.

"Confirmed."

"Then all is well," Kiy'De said, "soon I will have back what is mine, then we can destroy the Voyager ship."

Vir felt that was such a waste, besides, of a crew of approximately one hundred fifty there had to be Shades to be had. Then, of course, Kiy'De's Shade would not be as rare, and would lose novelty. Kiy'De's selfishness was running the ship again, not his logic. If human women turned out to be compatible mates then it would be logical to use them to produce offspring.

"B'Elanna how long until Warp Drive is online," Kathryn asked, tapping the console at her side.

"The injection coils were fused in the attack, I'll need to replace them and reinitialize the reaction flow," Kathryn heard B'Elanna sigh over the com system, "the engines took quite a beating Captain. I need at least forty-eight hours, and that's working around the clock."

"What about shields?"

"I'll do my best to get both up and running, but I need time."

"Understood, Janeway out."

On her chair on the Bridge Janeway bowed her head, deep in thought. Things were looking dim for her and her crew, but then they had had worse scrapes than this. She looked to her daughter, standing straight, also in thought. Kathryn could not help but see herself in Shade, after all, she was practically a mirror image. The young woman looked disorientated, confused, and several beads of sweat ran down her forehead.

"We'll stay here and make repairs, Kiy'De's sensors won't be able to find us," Kathryn explained, thinking Shade was having a fit of nerves.

Shade nodded towards Kathryn, but felt her head spinning. The Bridge span, and her heart rate quickened, the last thing she heard before blacking out was Kathryn calling for a medical emergency. The Captain rushed over to Shade and picked her up, she felt like she was on fire.

"Janeway to Transporter Room Two, beam myself and Shade directly to Sickbay."

The Doctor put Shade on the bio bed in the surgical bay and took out his tricorder, beginning to scan.

"Her body temperature is at thirty-nine point five degrees and rising. When she gets to forty-two degrees she'll go into shock," The Doctor explained to the Captain.

"Can you treat her," Kathryn asked, concerned.

"The chemicals in her body that regulate normal metabolic function are scattered, disorganised, in essence they've forgotten how to function. The nuclei of her cells have been damaged due to exposure from the S'Her drug. Captain, I haven't deactivated myself since she told us about her condition, and I'm still no closer to a solution."

"Doctor," Kathryn began, "if you're telling me she's going to die I just can't accept that. There has to be something."

"There is one thing," the Doctor said slowly, "if she were to receive another dose of this S'Her it could postpone the fatal symptoms. But-"

"-It would mean giving her back to Kiy'De," Kathryn said softly, "or at least bargaining with him. Damn it. There's got to be another way."

"I'd rather die," said a hoarse voice from the bed, and Kathryn looked at Shade as she opened her eyes.

"You can't mean that," Kathryn whispered, taking Shade's hand in hers. The young woman's hand felt very hot to the touch, and Kathryn could not help but give it a reassuring squeeze.

"He's brutal," Shade continued, "but the beatings I could handle. If it were only beatings with him, maybe I'd go back. He is a monster. The things he's done to me…"

Kathryn kissed the hand she held, "Maybe if I can procure a bit of S'Her the Doctor can replicate it. It's not a permanent solution, but it's better than losing you."

Weakly Shade shook her head, "I can't think clearly on S'Her, it makes me docile, dependant, and complacent. On S'Her Kiy'De didn't have to force himself, I willingly went to his bed. It's like a living nightmare."

"I will not watch you die."

"Maybe it's better this way," Shade replied, closing her eyes for a moment, "I was never supposed to be here in the first place."

A large filled Kathryn's throat, "No matter how you came to be you are still my child. Unexpected, yes, but all life is precious. I made the mistake to leave you behind. And I'm going to make things right."

Leaning down Kathryn placed a kiss on Shade's forehead, tears from both women mixing on Shade's cheeks.

"I'm going to make things right."

She made up her mind in the Turbolift to the Bridge, but she knew there would be a lot of resistance. They might try to stop her, but her will was ironclad.

"Mr. Kim," she called as she strode onto the Bridge, "is it possible to get a hail through the interference?"

"Yes Captain."

"I want you to hail to Kiy'De's vessel," she ordered, and Chakotay looked up from his console.

"If I do that ma'am it'll give away our position," Harry replied.

Kathryn's eyes turned ice cold, "I gave you an order Ensign."

"Captain," Chakotay began, but she put up a hand to silence him.

"I know what I'm doing Commander," Kathryn put a hand on his shoulder, "don't try and stop me."

"Why do I get the feeling you're about to drop a bomb?"

She turned away from Chakoty, "Hail him Ensign."

"He's responding."

"On screen."

Kiy'De's arrogant face filled the viewscreen, and he smiled.

"Yes Captain," he asked, "are you calling to discuss surrender?"

"I want you to answer one question for me, and if you have any honour you'll tell me the truth."

He was intrigued, "Alright Captain, you have my attention."

"Is there a way to survive coming off of S'Her crystals?"

"I see," he looked thoughtful, "your brat is dying isn't she? I told you might as well shoot her."

"Yes or no," she demanded.

"Yes," he replied, "but the serum is rarer and ten times the price of the drug itself. But you are fortunate, I happen to have one dose."

"What's your price?"

"Captain," Chakotay hissed, "what's going-"

"Silence Commander," Janeway snapped, "your price, Counsel."

"I want my Shade back," Kiy'De answered, "she's worth it. A rare and unique specimen."

"If I give her over to you I don't trust that you'll won't hurt her again," Kathryn replied, "and I won't let you touch her ever again."

"Then the negotiations fail," Kiy'De rsaid simply, "I refuse to take anything less than what is rightfully mine."

"What if I gave you someone else?"

"A member of your crew," he pondered, "I must admit I didn't think you were capable of such a thing."

"I'm not," Janeway straightened her spine, and tried her best to look strong, "I would never to that to someone."

She looked over towards Chakotay, and she saw his face break at the realisation of what she was about to do.

"If you give me the serum," Kathryn said, her will forcing the words out of her mouth, "I'll take Shade's place."

The look of cruelty came to Kiy'De's face, and he knew breaking Captain Janeway would be a challenge, but he felt excited at the idea.

"This is acceptable."


	7. Chapter 7 Opposition

**Chapter Seven Opposition**"Then all that remains is the exchange," Kathryn said to Kiy'De, "no tricks on either side."

"It might be hard for you to believe but the Xian Order honours it's contracts," Kiy'De replied, "but let's make it crystal clear. In exchange for the S'Her Serum I receive one Kathryn Janeway as compensation."

She felt like livestock, a commodity, "Yes, these are the terms I will agree to. Give me two hours to prepare myself and my crew."

"Of course," Kiy'De smiled wickedly, "be seeing you soon, Shade."The viewscreen went black, and Kathryn could feel a dozen pairs of eyes upon her.

"I know you all have objections about my decision, but I am your commanding officer," she said, her voice strong, "and this is my will. I order each and every one of you to attempt no rescue, or try to interfere in any way with this exchange."

Chakotay looked like he wanted to say something, and she motioned for him to follow her into her Ready Room. Inside she leaned against her desk, and waited for Chakotay to speak.

"Are you out of your mind Kathryn," he asked.

"I know what I'm doing," she replied, "and this will leave you as Captain, Chakotay. Please, promise me you'll get them back home."

He spoke as calmly as he could, "I won't take command of Voyager. I am not the Captain, you are, and you have to what's best for your crew. This isn't what's best."

"I ensure Voyager's safety this way," she justified, but he knew better.

"Just tell me one thing," he said, "tell me you're not doing this out of guilt. Out of guilt for abandoning three alien babies on a planet, guilt for what's happened, guilt because she's dying in Sickbay right now and you could've prevented it."

"You're out of line Commander!"

"Tell me."She turned away from him, folding her arms. He had no right to question her motives.

"You're dismissed."

A moment passed and he did not budge, stubborn as always.

"I said dismissed," Kathryn repeated, stepping closer to stared her obstinate eyes down, and stood at attention.

"There's got to be another way," he finally said.

"You have an idea," she spread out her arms, "let's hear it."

"Aless is coming back with reinforcements, when we take Kiy'De's ship we could procure the serum then."

She nodded, "Shade'll be dead by then. She has two and a half days. Aless will be here in four days at best."

"There has to be another way," he said softly, and bowed his head.

She rose and put her hand on his broad shoulder, "I don't like this any more than you do, Chakotay. This isn't easy, and I need your support."

"Do you know what he'll do to you," Chakotay asked.

"Yes," Kathryn tried to sound brave, but her voice quivered, "I won't just let him have me. I'll fight him, you know that."

"For how long," he asked, "why is your life less valuable than Shade's?"

"She's my daughter, Chakotay," Kathryn looked sadly out her Ready Room window, "and I do this not for my guilt but for that innocent child dying in Sickbay. She deserves to be happy, she's suffered too much already."

"You know she'll be okay right," he reached out and touched her arm, "she is a Janeway woman after all."

She stepped away from him, her heart heavy. Leaving was not going to be easy, this was her home, this was her family. But Kathryn could not in good conscience allow Shade to die or go back to a life of anguish. Though it would be hard to this new path in her life she would do it with dignity and honour, as she did all things.. "I meant the order I gave Chakotay," she said firmly, "and I expect you to follow it. No rescue attempts or interference. I need your word on this."

He shook his head, "That's a promise you can't expect me to make."

Her eyes lifted to his, and in them he saw a troubled woman. Though Kathryn always tried to best to hide her inner emotions he could always see right through her walls.

"Please."

"I will follow your wishes," Chakotay held up a finger, "but if an opportunity presents itself I will take it."

"I guess that's as close as it's going to get."

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway," the Doctor hailed.

She tapped her combadge, "Yes Doctor?"

"I think you'd better come down here," he said with a sigh, "she's very awake right now."

In the background she heard things being thrown, and someone swearing.

"On my way."She cowered on one side of the Biobed, as the Doctor tried to approach her with a hypospray. As he neared her on one end she ran to the other side, a never ending game of cat and mouse. Sweat dripped from Shade, and her balance was shaky. Her body felt like a thousand needles were poking her at any given second, and the blood in her veins burned. The Doctor had had to try and sedate her when Shade took a laser scalpel to her wrists, and she had tried at assure him that, no, she was not trying to commit suicide, she just had to get the bad blood out of her body. Had the Doctor not been in his office she may have succeeded, but thankfully he got to her before she cut too deep. All the same, fresh blood was bleeding out her left wrist and Shade would not let him treat her.

"You're injured," The Doctor pleaded, "let me help you."

"No," Shade screamed, "the blood is bad. It's rotting, why don't you understand that?"

"I'm a doctor, and I'm telling you blood does not rot in the traditional sense."

Shade was facing towards the doors when Kathryn strode into the room. Her face light up, and she smiled.

"I need your help," Shade called, "he won't help me."

"Doctor," Kathryn asked, approaching the Surgical Bay .

"She's delirious," he explained, "and has tried to hurt herself once already. The majority of the nuclei degradation is in red and white blood cells, so the fever is in the blood."

"Shade," Kathryn held out her arms, "you're hurt, let the Doctor help you."

She violently shook her head and Kathryn stepped towards her slowly. Shade was cornered behind the biobed, as faked towards the Doctor, but ran towards Kathryn, who was ready. Kathryn firmly wrapped her open arms around Shade, and as Shade's legs gave out the young woman was racked with deep sobs. Shade faced away from Kathryn, and her mother's arms were around her midsection. A sound of mourning came from Shade, a true cry of pain. The cry of someone who knows death is close at hand, and that it is the most merciful thing to happen to her.

Kathryn made shushing sounds into Shade's tousled hair, and kept her arms resolutely back as the Doctor ran a dermal regenerator over the wound on Shade's arm. He made his way out of the Surgical Bay to give Kathryn and Shade some privacy.

"I always thought I wanted to die," Shade said, suddenly calm, "but now I'm not so sure."

Kathryn whispered tenderly to Shade, "You're not going to die. The Doctor's found a way to treat you. You're going to live."

"You don't have to lie to me," she replied indignantly.

"I'm not," Shade felt hot tears on her neck, "I just have to go get it. You will live. I won't let you go, I promise."

They sat in awkward silence as Kathryn entered the Briefing Room, her senior staff assembled.

"It has been an honor," she began, "to not only have served as your Captain but to have had the chance to know all of you. Each of you is an exceptional officer."

Seven of Nine broke the silence, "I do not like this."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn replied, but Seven stood defiantly.

"You encourage me to explore my humanity and yet you abandon me in the midst of my quest," Seven stared Janeway down.

"You have made me proud, Seven," Kathryn replied, "and you are strong enough to endure on your own. As you said, Voyager is your collective."

She looked away.

"Are we supposed to stay silent and be okay with this," Harry asked vehemently.

"Harry," Chakotay cautioned, but the Ensign pushed forward.

"No, Chakotay," Kathryn leaned forward in her chair, "Harry, I won't ask you to understand my motives. But you have to trust that I'm doing the right thing, as you've always done."

She met the gaze of everyone present, "Your orders are to stay here and make repairs, then resume course for the Alpha Quadrant. You are not to attempt a rescue. Understood?"

Nobody replied, but she did not expect them to.

"Tom, set a course out of the gas giant, rendezvous with the vessel in orbit."

"Aye, Captain."

Kiy'De materialized on the Trasporter Pad, two security officers by his side. As per the agreement they were unarmed, and Voyager had lowered their shields. He stepped off the Pad and towards Kathryn, and he looked at her with unveiled lust in his eyes.

They filed out of the room and to Sickbay, silent as a funeral procession. The Doctor has sedated Shade, so she was asleep when they entered.

"The Serum," Kathryn requested, but Kiy'De went up to Shade first. He removed a silver tag, and as he ran it along the bracelets they opened, freeing a woman, only to enslave another. From inside his uniform he pulled a tiny vial and handed it to the Doctor.

"It is a sample of healthy cells from Shade," he explained, "it will restore normal metabolic function."

He approached Kathryn, and motioned for her to raise her hands.

"Doctor," she said, "will the Serum work?"

The hologram loaded a hypospray and injected Shade. Taking a tricorder he scanned the young woman.

"Her body temperature is falling," he announced, "she's going to make it."

Kathryn watched as Kiy'De put the bracelets on her.

"I repeat what I said to your daughter," he said smugly, "from this day forward you are nothing more than a shadow. By owning you I give you worth. Your life before me has ended. Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway dies today, and Shade is born."

"I understand," Kathryn replied, "and thank-you for saving her life."

He rubbed a palm along her cheek and grabbed her chin roughly.

"You won't be thanking me for long, Shade."

Kiy'De motioned to his officer and he handed him a wrapped package.

"Your uniform is hideous," Kiy'De handed the package to Kathryn, "I demand that you change."

"No," Kathryn protested, not wanting to dress skimpy for him. He raised his hand and belted Kathryn on the cheek, and she nearly fell over from the blow.

"You will not address me so insolently, when I tell you to do something you will say, whatever pleases you Counsel."

She nodded, her cheek bearing a large red welt, "Whatever pleases you Counsel."

He grabbed her by her shoulders, "You'll find I can be merciful or cruel, and that the choice is yours. To prove this, you have ten minutes to change and say your goodbye to your brat."

The Doctor watched this in horror, but he had already been warned by the Captain not to react. It would only fuel Kiy'De's rage towards her.

"Can you wake her," Kathryn asked.

"It's not advisable," the Doctor replied, "her body temperature is still high, it's unlikely she'll be very coherent."

"Proceed."

He loaded a hypospray and injected Shade, her eyes fluttered as she became aware.

"Hi," Kathryn whispered as the Doctor silently deactivated himself, "how are you feeling?"

"Better," Shade replied, "you saved me, didn't you?"

Had Shade's head been clearer she may have seen Kathryn's noiseless tears.

"I need your help."

Shade brought herself into a seated position. Kathryn placed the wrapped package on her lap.

"Are you going to wear this," Shade was still so feverish the plain facts made no sense, and she choose to believe Kathryn's lies.

"Yes, to celebrate you're getting better," Kathryn removed the outfit, "Neelix is going to have a party."

"Sounds lovely," Shade was happy in this illusion. Kathryn looked disapprovingly at the lengths of soft green silk. It turns out that Shade's outfit was made of two large pieces of fabric, tightly folded. Her daughter's graceful hands wrapped the cloth expertly, using the top piece to criss-cross and cover her. The sleeves fell past her fingertips, covering her bracelets, and the hem of the skirt billowed loosely to her ankles, but had a slit up the right side to Kathryn's hip. Shade removed Kathryn's combadge and handed it to her.

"Don't forget about this."

Kathryn folded Shade's fingers down, "I want you to have it. Please, keep it safe."

She pinned it to Shade's chest, and folded her uniform neatly.

"This is like an old friend," she said as she fingered her pips, "you must be tired."

"Yes," Shade agreed, wavering, "maybe I should rest."

"There's one thing," Kathryn said, as she helped Shade lie down, "it's about your name. I won't call you Shade anymore."

"In the Lunati culture a name is precious, and is normally derived from both parent's names. Aless's parents were Rena and Dessan."

"How do you feel about Isabel?"

"It's lovely," Shade remarked, her eyes growing heavy. She felt Kathryn place a kiss on her forehead, and leave the room.

She heard the Sickbay doors close behind her, and Kiy'De stood, waiting. He lead her down the hallway to the Turbolift. When they reached Deck Four the doors opened to reveal her crew, lining the corridors. Chakotay was the first one she saw.

"Captain on Deck," he called, and everyone stood at attention. Her eyes filled with tears of pride, Kiy'De walked in front of her, slightly impatient. If anyone saw the red welt on her cheek they did not comment, nor did they look away when Kathryn walked passed them in her new clothes. She did not walk sheepishly, instead she held her head high, and confidently walked. No matter what suffering she would endure this one precious moment would be a safe haven of memory. Every crewman was present, honouring their much-beloved Captain.

The doors to the Transporter Room loomed ahead, and Kiy'De entered first. Seven of Nine was the last one the Captain saw, standing resolutely.

"Thank you," Seven said, as Kathryn entered the Transporter Room, she nodded in acknowledgement and followed Kiy'De in. Instead of the usual Crewman Harry Kim was at the Transporter Controls.

"Transport us back to my ship," Kiy'De ordered, but Harry looked to Kathryn.

"Captain - "

"As he says Harry," Kathryn ordered.

"Yes ma'am."

She was surprised he had ignored her when they arrived on his vessel, and she had been escorted to his chambers. Kathryn surveyed the rooms. Everywhere was evidence of Kiy'De's ego; rare art, fine cloth, and now her. But she had choose to come here, to save someone else. Though in thinking of what was to come it was only a small comfort. She made herself promise to be unyielding, stubborn, and a fighter in every way.

"I am Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway," she whispered to herself, a mantra, "Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager."

Kiy'De was not stupid, anything which could have been used as a weapon was missing. Except for maybe a sculpture, but after trying to lift she concluded it was too heavy. The clothes bothered her, she felt exposed, vulnerable. Escape was impossible, the door would not open for her, and she found no manual override.

Another idea however, shadowed her thoughts, if it came to it she would rather die than submit to him, though she found no way to accomplish the task.

"Even though you're not in your prime you're still quite lovely," Kiy'De said as he entered his quarters.

"Go to Hell," she replied, defiant.

She thought for sure he would hit her, but instead he just laughed.

"This is why I wanted you," he said, pouring himself a glass of liquor, "you've still got some fight in you. Breaking you will be a pleasure."

"I will not stop fighting," she replied, as he stepped closer to her. When he reached for her she tried to punch him, but he was faster. Though Kathryn had extensive knowledge of hand-to-hand combat she was no match for Kiy'De's strength. With one hand he pinned her hands above her head, and the other touched her face, almost gently.

"There is a way to escape the pain," he whispered sadistically in her ear, "you only have to ask me."

"Never," Kathryn tried to wriggle free, but only made it easier for her captor to get his leg between hers.

He smiled, "There's something unique about the technology you're wearing."

"Technology," she wondered aloud, and thought immediately of the bracelets he had removed from Shade and placed on her.

"That's right," he pulled a device from his pocket and forced Kathryn against a section of wall comprised of a different type of metal. The bracelets sank into the wall and made excellent cuffs. She was not going to escape, but she was not going to give in without a fight.

In the end Kiy'De won the fight, and her screams echoed through the bowels of the ship.

**~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ **

[[ Chapter Seven is done, whew! It's been an interesting ride. I want to thank all of you for your kind reviews, and hope to hear more feedback. This journey of Shade's is far from over…]]


	8. Chapter 8 In Her Image

**Chapter Eight In Her Image**

Some time in the night her fever broke, much to the Doctor's delight. Her thoughts were returning to normal, and he gave her a stimulant as she awoke.

"Doctor," she said, her voice still hoarse, "I'm alive. Thank-you."

He frowned, "You might want to talk with Commander Chakotay. He wants to know what your plans are."

Shade sat on the bio bed, and had the strangest craving for that awful brew her mother had her try. Her body was weakened, and somehow she was wearing a hospital gown and not her normal attire.

"Where are my clothes?"

"Over there," he motioned to them folded in a neat pile, "may I ask you something?"

Shade nodded.

"The outfits of you, Aless," he wanted to say 'and the Captain', but Shade had no idea, "they seem a bit superfluous."

"To some," Shade stroked her outfit fondly, "but they have meaning. Blue can only be worn by royalty, for example. The Lunati women have been wearing robes like these for thousands of years. It's a part of their history. Those who enslave us make mockery of the garments, forcing Shades to wear them."

"One more thing…"

"Yes Doctor?"

"While you were feverish the Captain came to see you," the Doctor looked pensive, "do you remember?"

Shade tried hard to recall something, and could only remember a name and a kiss.

"Isabel," she said softly.

"Who's Isabel?" The Doctor asked.

"I am."

Chakotay sat in her Ready Room, the gas giant outside the window. He felt her absence like a hole in his soul. Part of him wanted to blame Shade for Kathryn's actions, maybe some kind of alien mind control, but he knew better. Captain Janeway is a woman who would gladly lay down her life for another, especially someone she had put in harm's way. Behind him the doors opened, and in walked Isabel, in her standard attire.

"Hello," he greeted, "have a seat."

Isabel looked around the room, "Is the Captain off duty?"

"In a manner of speaking," his dark eyes became sad, "she's left Voyager."

She sat on the couch, "Why would she leave?"

"Don't you get it," he said, an edge of anger in his voice, "she left for you. Took your place with Kiy'De."

"I didn't think he was serious," Isabel whispered, Chakotay spun on her.

"You knew he would do this?"

"Yes," she paused for a long moment, "and no."

Chakotay was seething mad, "Which is it?"

"Both," Isabel fiddled with her sleeves, "Kiy'De said something to me, before coming aboard Voyager. He said he no longer desired me. I was too weak and yielding. He wanted a challenge. The man becomes bored with is possessions quickly, and he said that he's never known a man to break both mother and daughter."

"So, you did now," he folded his hands behind his back, and took a deep breath..

"No."

Isabel stood and faced Chakotay's back, but he saw her face in the window, a child's face.

"I can help you find her," she offered, "I know how to get to him."

"I can't," Chakotay slowly turned to face her, "I'm under direct orders not to interfere."

"What if I came up with a plan?"

"I'll listen."

It was not the enthusiasm she was hoping for, but it would do. Her thoughts ran full circle, and Seven of Nine's face came to mind.

"I will come up with a plan."

Her first night as his and she did not sleep for a moment. Kathryn sported several dark bruises along her arms, and a cut on her temple.

'Mild concussion,' she noted, as her head hurt. Her hands shook as she located the piece of cloth to make her top, Kathryn forced her tears to stay in her eyes. She would not be broken.

The door opened to reveal Vir.

As he approached her she cringed, pulling away.

"I won't hurt you," he said, "I'm here to help you."

Vir pulled a dermal regenerator from his bag, and handed it to Kathryn. She took it cautiously, and ran it over her bruises and head wound.

"Why are you helping me," she asked suspiciously.

"I have been ordered to," he said simply, "no other reason. Kiy'De wants you refreshed for him."

She stopped running the device over herself.

"I know what you're thinking," Vir told her, "and he doesn't care. If you don't do as he says he'll get bored. Then he'll hand you over to this crew. Four hundred men, most of whom have never known a woman's flesh. One man, or hundreds, he leaves this your choice."

"He's a monster," she spat, but continued to heal herself.

"No, you are," Vir said, his hands clenched into white fists, "all females are. You were given the ability to give life and you hoard it. It's because of you're kind we are reduced to what we must do. Do you think we enjoy it?"

Her skin was still tender, and she could still vividly recall Kiy'De's hands on her body. Bile rose in her throat when she thought of how he had easily overtaken her, and, yes, enjoyed every minute of it.

"Yes," she said in a small voice, "I think some of your kind does. I'm sorry about what you're going through, but that's no justification for enslavement and rape."

Vir licked his thumb, and touched Kathryn's cheek, "I should give you a tour. You'd be most interested in a small room adjacent to our Bridge. No furniture, just a pair of shackles. Once your daughter thought she'd let Kiy'De get bored of her. And he did. Four hours she hung from the ceiling."

Thoughts of Shade hanging there, enduring one shame after another, came to Kathryn's mind. She tried not to think of how many men that meant for her. No wonder she hated Kathryn so passionately in the beginning. But maybe Kiy'De had something to do with it as well. When he ravished her body he did his best to poison her mind as well. Though through all the suffering Kathryn was comforted by the knowledge she was enduring it so her child would be safe. In the worst moments she recalled the scent of Shade's auburn hair when Kathryn cried on her shoulder, and the feel of her child in her arms.

"Your plan has only a thirty percent chance of success," she told Isabel, handing the PADD back to her.

"Seven," Isabel said carefully, "surely with your skills and mine combined we could increase the odds."

The blonde woman went to a console and started pressing buttons, making calculations.

"With my assistance chances of success increase to forty eight percent, but that is not sufficient for this rescue attempt," she straightened her spine and turned away.

"I've been reading Voyager's official logs," Isabel leaned against a console, "and I know about the time Captain Janeway rescued you from the Borg Queen herself. What were her chances of success?"

She cocked her head, "You're attempts to emotionalize this issue will fail."

"Okay," Isabel admitted defeat, "I should have known you wouldn't be able to do what I've asked of you. I mean, maybe a more _perfect_ former drone could handle it."

"Now you are attempting to appeal to my vanity," Seven folded her hands behind her back.

"Is it working?"

"No," she returned to her work, "and besides Captain Janeway gave a direct order."

"I've read a lot of logs," Isabel stated, putting a hand on Seven's shoulder. Seven's stomach tightened, Isabel's hand felt just like Kathryn's. "You're famous for disobeying orders. Please, I want her back."

"I will comply."

Chakotay read over the PADD, and sighed thoughtfully several times.

"This is foolish, and will never work," he finally said.

Isabel looked disheartened, "Why not?"

"Let's see," he scrolled through the PADD, "you want to take the Delta Flyer to the Lunati, have them install a cloak, and then go after Kiy'De. He'd destroy you before you could get anywhere near him."

"Hence the cloak."

His eyebrows furrowed, "According to sensors the Lunati don't posses cloaking technology."

"Well, that's not exactly true," Isabel hesitated, "it's an experimental design. Lunati ships are small, manoeuvrable, but in a fire fight against the Nitherans it's rough. Aless developed a cloak for small vessels, and I know where she hid the device. All preliminary tests were successful. Sensors can't penetrate the cloak. With it we could sneak up on Kiy'De's ship, beam the Captain out, and be gone before they realise."

"It's definitely a well-thought out plan, but I can't disobey Captain's orders."

"Isn't a stint in the Brig worth her safety," Isabel leaned on the desk, staring down into Chakotay's eyes.

"Do you think it's that simple," he said back, meeting her glare, "as a stint in the Brig? I'd be breaking her trust, and disrespecting her."

Isabel fumed; she found no help from this man.

"Do want me to describe to you how Kiy'De is 'disrespecting' her, maybe even right now as we speak," she stepped closer, and found strength in her rage, "do you want me to tell you the punishments for non-compliance? He starts by taking away your name, then he encourages you to fight him, because you give up sooner. I promise she's got bruises. And I know, the only thought she's thinking is how to end her own life."

"Enough," Chakotay slammed his fists on the desk, and rose out of his seat.

Isabel walked towards the door, but turned before exiting.

"I hope she never learns what a coward you are."

She walked purposefully onto the Bridge, and saw Seven at the Engineering console. The Borg woman raised her eyebrows in silent question, and Isabel nodded slowly. Isabel entered the Turbolift, followed by Seven, and together they headed for Deck Four. Upon entering the Transporter Room Seven approached the Crewman and told him he was needed by Lt. Torres in Engineering. He left the room and she got to work on the Transporter controls.

"Can I help," Isabel asked, standing next to Seven. The young woman's hands entered instructions carefully.

"Commander to the Bridge."

Chakotay stood and briskly walked onto the Bridge, Harry looked up from Ops.

"Report."

"We've got an unauthorized transport in progress," Harry looked at the sensor readings, "it's Seven of Nine and … the Captain?"

"Shade has her combadge," he theorized, "Harry, can you stop them?"

"No, my command codes are blocked. They've transported to the Delta Flyer."

He let his shock show on his face, and immediately sprang into action.

"Lock down the Shuttle Bay. Tuvok, get security down there."

Isabel took the Helm as Seven sat at the tactical console. The doors opened, and she could see open space ahead. Engaging the thrusters she got outside of Voyager, only to get trapped in a tractor beam.

"A little predictable," Isabel said aloud, while sending out a feedback pulse to disable the emitters. Free of the beam Isabel went to warp, setting a course away from the gas giant.

"How long until they have the engines repaired?"

Seven looked up, "Perhaps twelve hours if they work at peak efficiency. Captain Janeway will not be impressed with our actions."

"I know," Isabel turned to face the blonde, "but if you thought we wouldn't succeed you wouldn't be here. As for Captain Janeway, she won't be the same woman you remember."

"Explain."

"Well," Isabel began, carefully, "Captain Janeway is used to having control. When you lose that it's … damaging."

"She will be damaged," Seven looked sad, "can she be repaired?"

Isabel touched the combadge over her heart, "I hope so."


End file.
